Thursday, September 17, 2009

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

James 1:19-20
1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

The image of Ike Turner smashing cake in Anna Mae Bullock’s (aka Tina Turner) face is as vivid to me today as when I first viewed the academy award nominees on screen in the 1993 film, “What’s Love Got to Do with It.” There were a number of memorable scenes that I recall which showcased the physically abusive and controlling relationship that Tina Turner once shared with her ex-husband Ike Turner. As a “Lifetime” channel viewer, I have seen numerous movies about abuse. One of the Lifetime movies that I’ve watched the most is the 1984 movie starring the late Farrah Fawcett, “The Burning Bed.” In each of these movies the physical abuse was so extreme; and both women hit rock bottom from the continuous beat downs before rising to the occasion and making a choice to end the abuse. Both of these movies are based on true life stories and the decisions regarding how to end the abusive marriages were very different.

It is easy for me to relate to the physical abuse that each of these women experienced, because I know of at least 10 family members and friends, including myself who have been in physically abusive relationships or marriages. The level of physical abuse and how often differs with each relationship. If you’ve been pushed, shoved, smacked, slapped, punched, kicked, thrown, or choked; you’ve experienced physical abuse. If you initiate the physical contact or fight back, you’re in a physically abusive relationship. I’ve often wondered how a man can say that “he loves” a woman, when he puts his hands on her in violent, non-gentle, non-loving ways. What brings a person to the point of wanting to hit another human being, especially if that person is a wife? Anger is the answer. I’m always drawn back to the signs that the abuser is angry (rage, tone of voice, the look in the eyes) enough to become violent and put his hands upon a person. I’ve also been told by family members and friends of how they notice the signs of angry spouses/partners that lead to violent encounters.

There are some women who are being physically abused and you wouldn’t have a clue. They have mastered how to cover up the bumps and bruises, how to camouflage the black eyes. No matter how well a person covers up the evidence of physical abuse, you can not cover up the pain of the scars inside. Physical abuse leaves a woman broken, her self-worth is shattered, and maybe this is the ultimate goal of the abuser. If you are being physically abused, you have the will power deep within to get up! You just need to tap into that strength and claim it!

James 1:19-20
1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

In Summary: “These verses speak of anger that erupts when our egos are bruised-“I am hurt,” “My opinions are not being heard.” When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody.

Scripture Quotation and Summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV)

I’m once again drawn back to the poem: “Children Learn What They Live,” by Dorothy Law Nolte. The second line of this poem reads: “If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.” It is important to remember that both the abused and the abuser suffer. Abuse is learned behavior. If your spouse is a physically abusive person, he needs to receive help. I encourage you to seek the Lord’s guidance in deciding the best plan of action to promote healing in your life and a healthy relationship.

Find the Jewel in You, See the Gem in Him!
Treazure