When All Trust Is Gone

Numbers 5:14-15“14: and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure-or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure-15: then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to guilt.”

Although many reasons are given by couples as to why they may want to divorce, there are five (5) in particular that I think contribute heavily to a couple’s decision to seek dissolution of marriage, and today I will be writing about the first one, trust. If divorce is even a consideration, then obviously something is lacking within the marriage; there is a need that is not being fulfilled but whose responsibility is it to fulfill the void? Trust is a topic that I’m revisiting, as I discussed it in Series 1, column 2(Trust-Independent to Dependent, 9/2007); however, I focused more on the ability of trusting your husband enough to allow him to make decisions for you as the head of your household and marriage. This time around, my focus will be on trusting your mate in regards to other women. Trust is a key component if not one of the most important components for a successful marriage, and it may account for discord in other areas without it.

According to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, the word trust means: “(a) assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something, (b) one in which confidence is placed.” I would also like to include the definition for trustworthiness, “a change or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship”. If trust is an issue in your marriage, have you considered why? What reason(s) do you have to mistrust your mate? Are you naturally suspicious (jealousy)? What reason(s) has he given you to be suspicious? When did the lack of trust begin? If you have not done so, I would suggest that you ask yourself the questions. It is important to be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with your spouse as to why trust is really an issue within the marriage.

If your spouse gave you reasons prior to the marriage that he’s not to be trusted, you may need to question what made you tie the knot. If the cause of suspicion or mistrust has to do with things you’ve noticed or have been told by others, such as your husband flirts with other women, he hangs out to much, his whereabouts are unaccounted for, or his interest in you has changed, then you should consider having a heart –to-heart conversation with him. Remember, there is a difference in suspicion and concrete evidence. If someone else has told you that they heard or saw your spouse doing something untrustworthy with another woman, be careful with that information and consider the source. There is nothing worse for a marriage than outsiders being involved in your business!

It is important to determine if lack of trust for your spouse is actually because of his doing or if there are some unresolved issues or insecurities that lie within yourself. In either case, once the bond of trust is broken, it is usually challenging to mend. There has to be a desire and a committed effort to repair the damage.

Numbers 5:14-15
“14: and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure-or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure-15: then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour oil on it or put incense on it, because it is grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to guilt.”

Scripture Summary: “This test for adultery served to remove a jealous husband’s suspicion. Trust between husband and wife had to be completely eroded for a man to bring his wife to the priest for this type of test. Today priests and pastors help restore marriages by counseling couples who have lost faith in each other. Whether justified or not, suspicion must be removed for a marriage to survive and trust to be restored.”

*Scripture Quotations and Summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

Lack of trust for any reason can destroy a marriage and if you can’t or don’t trust your husband because you suspect him of wrong doing, trust God to restore your marriage to the place that He wills it to be.

Find the Jewel in You, See the Gem in Him!

Treazure