No More Hurt, No More Pain

Matthew 5:21-22
5:21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Abuse is never an easy topic to discuss, nor is it an easy topic to understand. Initially, I resisted writing about this subject matter because of my own personal experiences that stem back to my childhood, and then carried over at one time into my adulthood. I came to a revelation because of what I’ve witnessed and experienced that I am not the only one. There are many women in our society today that are living a life of abuse in one way or the other; domestic violence is at an all time high in marriages, and is rapidly increasing in teenage relationships. I had to let go of the shame and my fear of reliving these memories in order to share with you, the Wife Talk reader, my experiences and more importantly, my healing.

I have written about verbal abuse (Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Will Never Hurt Me), emotional abuse (Emotional Wreck), mental abuse (Mental Warfare), and physical abuse (Keep Your Hands to Yourself), within the past four (4) weeks, and with each of these articles I’ve described the types of abuse that can occur within marriages and different methods that the abuser uses to control his spouse. The key word here is “control”. Control, coupled with yet another essential ingredient, anger, each contributes heavily to the ongoing cycle of abuse.

In writing on this subject matter, I’ve twice made reference to a childhood poem “Children Learn What They Live,” by Dorothy Law Nolte. So often, when attempting to understand how, why or what can make a person abuse another, we have to start at the root, the beginning. Abuse is a learned behavior. What a child lives and ultimately learns can contribute to the type(s) of abuse that he imposes on another. In some marriages, there are multiple forms of abuse. There are also a small number of marriages in which the wife is the abuser. Happily ever after is what most of us wished for when we said our “I Do’s;” but for many, this is not the case.

Matthew 5:21-22

5:21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

In Summary: Matthew 5:21-22 “Killing is a terrible sin, but anger is a great sin too because it also violates God’s command to love. Anger in this case refers to a seething, brooding bitterness against someone. It is a dangerous emotion that always threatens to leap out of control, leading to violence, emotional hurt, increased mental stress, and spiritual damage. Anger keeps us from developing a spirit pleasing to God. Have you ever been proud that you didn’t strike out and say what was really on your mind? Self-control is good, but Christ wants us to practice thought-control as well. Jesus said that we will be held accountable even for our attitudes.”

Scripture Quotation and Summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

This concludes the topic of abuse. I am grateful to God for guiding me through my task of writing about something so personal that I once was ashamed of sharing with anyone. I had to find the courage to share of my experiences and those of my family members and friends with you, the Wife Talk Reader. I hope the message is clear : Abusive marriages and relationships have to end. In abusive relationships, both spouses need healing. God is able to bring healing to each spouse and any situation that you and your husband may encounter.

Find the Jewel in You, See the Gem in Him!

Treazure