Wife Talk Introduction 2008

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Greetings,

Happy New Year! It is such a blessing and honor to be back! I would like to thank everyone that faithfully logged in each week during the 1st series, those who made comments, and those that have chosen to return. To the new viewers, I’d like to say “welcome” to Wife Talk.

I chose to take time off from the blog during the holidays, and by doing so, it gave me the opportunity to reflect on the new series of topics, as well as the overall goal of this blog (which is listed below). My prayer is that God continues to be glorified in every topic, and that each Wife Talk viewer receives exactly what you need. Your comments and suggestions are always welcomed and appreciated.

Wife talk is a weekly inspirational column for wives. This column is not based on the advice or guidance of any professional counselors or psychologists. It is the thoughts and opinions of a wife of eight years, and her friends who have been married anywhere from 2-10 years. It is based on the personal experiences of these women. This column will reveal some of the common ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows of marriage from their point of view. The column is raw and honest, but at the same time; it has a spiritual perspective on each topic. This column will cover what’s on the hearts and minds of women who are in both loving and nurturing marriages, as well as those who are in abusive marriages, and anything in between. It will cover what works in marriages, and what doesn’t; why women stay, and why they so often contemplate leaving. It will also provide a much needed support system for wives who want to connect with other women who share the same commonalities within marriages.

My hope is that as wives, we learn and understand what it truly means to be a husbands’ helpmate. The column topics for our second series are listed below (an *has been placed in front of the topic requested by a viewer in which I changed the topic name).

*Low Self-Esteem (what it does to a relationship)
Holding Grudges
Is He Listening?
Feeling Unappreciated
Walking in His Shoes (put yourself in his place)
The Other Woman (mother of your stepchildren and/or your mother-in-law)
Setting Goals for Your Marriage
Keeping It Fresh (how to keep the fire burning)
Purpose as a Couple (fulfilling God’s plan for your marriage)
Do You! (2nd most important thing a wife can do for her husband)

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

I hope that all is well with each viewer, and as I stated last week, this is the treat that I've been waiting to share with you. I hope that each of you will take the challenge of this 31 Day Prayer! It really is amazing, and the results are everlasting. I am still checking the emails daily for topic suggestions for the upcoming 2008 columns. I would love to hear from you. Thanks again for logging in to Wife Talk. Happy Holidays!!!

Below is the link to the 31-Day Prayer--Praying For Your Husband.

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/prayingforyourhusband.pdf

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

Praying for Your Husband

Proverbs 31:12
“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

One of the most important things that a wife can do for her husband is pray for him. This one act alone is not only a responsibility, but a privilege. God’s plan for marriage is for the husband to be the head of this union, and Satan’s plan is to destroy the husband, his character, and leadership within the marriage.

There is always going to be one thing or the other that may pose challenges within your marriage. It doesn’t matter if your husband is employed or unemployed, a communicator or non-communicator, affectionate or unaffectionate, clean or addict, punctual or procrastinator, free or locked up, family man or workaholic, Christian or non-believer, he is your husband and he needs your prayers. Be willing to surrender your husband and marriage daily to the Lord’s wise, loving care through prayer. Trust that God will hear your prayers and answer them.

I sometimes think that God is in heaven saying to Himself that He is going to close his ears if I send up even one more prayer for my husband, because I pray for my husband all the time! I sometimes get tired, but I know that I can’t stop because Satan is just waiting and lurking in the distance and he knows that I have a very strong and clear message for him: This is one husband, marriage, and family that will not be taken down by him!

Proverbs 31:12 states: ”She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Basically, this means to bless your husband by praying for him! There is an Epilogue: the Wife of Noble Character, which is Proverbs 31:10-31 that I have found to be a beautiful example of what every wife should strive to be to the best of her ability. If you have the opportunity, take a look at it.

At the beginning of this year, my husband and I experienced a challenge with Satan, and I am proud and happy to say that we overcame that attack because of the power of prayer, and the grace of God. During that time, my best friend of 20 years shared with me a tool to use to strengthen my prayers for the love of my life (my Him). It is an instructional titled: Praying for Your Husband-31 Days of Prayer. It changed my way of praying for my husband, but it also allowed me to identify with what God wants for husbands. I will share this with you as a special treat on next week!

I would like to thank God for everyone that was led to view this site, and for the many viewers to come. I would also like to thank those of you that He used to get others to view the site (you know who you are). It has been such an experience writing this blog over the past 10 weeks, and I look forward to writing a new series of columns beginning in January 2008. Please know that I will be posting special treats for you during the month of December, as well as checking the email for topic suggestions for the New Year. The email address is wifetalkblog@yahoo.com. I would like to say a very special thank you to The Invisible Secretary for this page and the weekly postings. I love you!

*Scripture quotation is taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

*Scripture summary is taken from the Praying for Husband Instructional.

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

P.S. Ladies, we need our husbands, our children need their fathers, and the world needs our men! Let’s save our marriages, our families. Pray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 Thessalonians 5:1

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I would like to express my gratitude for this column and the many individuals who have viewed it. I thank God each and every day for his many wonderful blessings, his guidance, and his mercy. I am most grateful for my husband, our marriage, our family, and dear friends. This has been an amazing and enlightening year for me and I take time out each day to give thanks for God's saving grace.

While you all are filling your bellies, and enjoying the presence of your loved ones, be in prayer for those who are away from their family and friends fighting a war for our country. Also, be prayerful for those who are imprisoned, hospitalized, homeless, and hungry. There are so many people all over the world who are suffering today, and we can certainly lift them up with prayers.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." In summary, our joy, prayers, and thankfulness should not fluctuate with our circumstances or feelings. Obeying these three goes against our natural inclinations. When we make a conscious decision to do what God says, however, we will begin to see people in a new perspective. When we do God's will, we will find it easier to be joyful and thankful.

*Scripture and summary are taken from the Life Application Bible(NIV).

Ha

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

Join me next week for the final column of series one Wife Talk, it's my favorite topic of all, "Praying for your Husband."

Allowing God to Be Involved (Anger vs. Holy Spirit)

Galatians 5:17

For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

I am writing this week’s column from a serious place of conviction, for I gave into the flesh just hours before putting my thoughts on paper. It actually turned out to be a learning experience, as I needed to be reminded that the flesh is weak and selfish, but the Spirit is strong, loving and selfless. The situation wasn’t about choosing my battle, as far as an argument, but how my husband’s actions pissed me off.

I knew from the moment he began to express himself about something that was troubling him, that I was going to lose it, and every inch of my being was SCREAMING not to go there, just LET IT GO! Well, I tried and I tried, but I went there. We exchanged a few words about each of our viewpoints, and I was annoyed by how he viewed the situation (he was equally annoyed by mine). I just could not believe that he honestly felt the way that he did about this particular incident. So therefore, it caused me to become very angry about something that was petty. I’m pretty sure that my husband would agree about the pettiness, however; at the time he was passionate about his point.

I was in a tug of war between the Holy Spirit and the flesh. Deep within, there was a calmness wanting to push through and take over to keep me at peace. There was also a feeling of “oh no” I’m going to be angry and stay that way! This tug of war continued for a couple of hours. During this time, it dawned on me that I didn’t want to carry around the anger, it didn’t feel good, and it was senseless! Although I had become aware of this, it was still challenging to let it go, so I prayed and asked God to help me release my anger.

Galatians 5:17 says: “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” To summarize this: Paul describes the two forces conflicting within us-the Holy Spirit and the sinful nature (our evil desires of inclinations that stem from our bodies). Paul is not saying that these forces are equal-the Holy Spirit is infinitely stronger. But if we rely on our own wisdom, we will make wrong choices. If we try to follow the Spirit by our own human effort, we will fail. Our only way to freedom from our evil desires is through the empowering of the Holy Spirit.

So often, we choose to become angry, and we even take things a step further by choosing to stay that way. It is not good for you, your spouse, or your marriage because it causes conflict, not harmony. Before you make the decision to become angry, invite God in by way of the Holy Spirit, for you can’t go at this alone. By doing this, you are opening the door to better understand what your spouse is trying to communicate with you about his thoughts and feelings. You are also allowing God to participate in the marriage just as you vowed to do.

*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

Taking Control (of yourself)

Proverbs 13:3
“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”

Yes, I am guilty! As a wife, I feel the need to regulate what’s going on within my marriage. By nature, I believe that women are automatic nurturers, whether we recognize it or not. So, if something is going on with our spouses, we have a tendency to want to fix it. Most often, “fixing” it means, taking control of the situation. It could be that our significant others are stressed about work, finances, friendships, or he could be dealing with personal growth issues, and here we go ready to jump in and resolve the matter. We start by asking questions, and from asking questions, we go to making suggestions and from making suggestions, we get into “what we would do, if it were us”. Well, guess what? It is not us.

You see, everyone goes through things at different times in life. If your spouse has an issue with any of the things listed above, it is not wise to just jump in and take over. The best thing to do is to access the situation, get a feel of what your spouse may need, and pray about it. Make sure that your husband is ready to fill you in on all the details, and further more; make sure that he wants your input. There are times when words just aren’t needed, but listening ears are. Trust that you will be guided to know what to say and when to say it.

It took me quite some time to realize that when issues come up with my husband, praying for him, and then taking matters into my own hands is not the answer. You see, inviting God to come in and heal the situation, and then attempting to do His job by getting in the way, is not right. A dear friend told me once, not that long ago, that I needed to stop worrying about my husband, and focus on me! At first I thought, how could she say that? Doesn’t she know that I love and care for my husband very much, and I want to make sure that he is okay? Well, yes she did know that! The thing is what I needed to know.

God wants us to trust Him with our selves, our husband’s, and our marriages. Once you ask Him for a resolution, be willing to leave it with Him. Focus on God, and not the situation. He will guide you to what it is that you need to be doing for yourself, and in this way, He can work through you to reach others.

Proverbs 13:3 says: “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” In summary: You have not mastered self-control if you do not control what you say. James recognized this truth when he stated, “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts” (James 3:5). If you want to be self-controlled, begin with your tongue. Stop and think before you react or speak. If you can control this small but powerful member, you can control the rest of your body.

*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him.

Treazure

It is winding down to the last two topics for my first series of weekly columns. I would like to say thank you to those who have visited my blog page, and to those that have posted comments. This has truly been an amazing journey of self discovery and faith. God set me out on this course when I had no idea if I could even set sail, but as always, He was there steering me along the way using me as His vessel. The words on this page come not from me, but through me for God is the author of this blog. Each week, the words that you read, are words that I too need to hear. We are all in this together, trying to be the best wives (or future wives) that He has created us to be.

In the month of December, I will be soliciting your help for topics of interest for the upcoming series which will resume in January 2008. Topic suggestions may be sent to the Treazure Chest at wifetalkblog@yahoo.com. I look forward to reading about what you want to discuss.

The Invisible Secretary would like to send a special “Happy Birthday” (11/08) to Treazure. She is a special jewel that has been a godsend in my life.
“Happy Birthday Girl!!!"

Love You Like A Sister,
The Invisible Secretary

Spoiled, Selfish, Downright Rude

Ephesians 5:25-33

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love heir wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-30for we are members of his body.

Spoiled, selfish, and downright rude are words used to describe what I’d like to call the “me, me, me, my, my, my, or I, I, I” syndrome. And no, I’m not talking about the me, me, me of the music scale, or the seductive sounds of Johnny Gill in his 1990 hit “My, My, My”. I’m talking about the use of these words within marriages on a daily basis, with not so much of a thought to what is really being said. In particular, I’m focusing on our husband’s ladies, although I’m sure that we too are definitely guilty of this from time to time.

First, I’ll start with spoiled or the “me, me, me” syndrome. The “it’s all about me attitude”. “Can you do this for me,” or the “will you do that for me” talk. Or, the “you don’t have time to do this for me, or that for me? It’s not that we don’t want to do things for our man, but if we can’t (especially right at the moment that it is asked), then it should be understood, not a tantrum thrown or attitude taken. And when we do have the chance to do things like rub his feet, massage his back, give him facials, or iron his clothes then it should definitely be appreciated, and reciprocated from time to time.

Next, selfish or the “my, my, my syndrome (sometimes the word mine is used here). Well, this one can definitely get you heated. You know what I’m talking about-“that’s my car”, “my account”, “this is my house”, or “my mess is being taking care of”; claiming sole ownership of things that they know are ours.

And finally, when the downright rude, or “I, I, I”syndrome kicks in. “I can take care of myself”, “I was doing fine before I met you, and I’ll be fine if you’re gone”, not to mention the “Oh, I can handle that”. Usually when I is used, it comes with the “I’m this, you’re that” attachment, which ultimately places blame.

I’m sure that at some point in time or another, we’ve all fallen victim to these syndromes. However; the point that I’m trying to make, is that when we use the words me, my, or I often enough, it becomes a sign of self-centeredness. And I begin to wonder if our spouses realize that there is no I, me, or my in the words partners, togetherness, oneness, or we; so what’s all the fuss about. I am you, and you are me in the spirit of marriage, and we have to act as such. No one should be made to feel less than the other at no time, but hey; we all fall short from time to time.

Ephesians 5:25-30 says: 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-30for we are members of his body.

To summarize this, these verses in Ephesians, however, show a high view of marriage. Marriage, for Paul is a holy union, a living symbol, a precious relationship that needs tender, self-sacrificing care. Paul devotes twice as many words to telling husbands to love their wives as to telling wives to submit to their husbands. How should a man love his wife? (1) He should be willing to sacrifice everything for her. (2) He should make her well-being of primary importance. (3) He should care for her as he cares for his own body. No wife needs to fear submitting to a man who treats her this way.

Also, the union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage does not mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, helping the other person become all he or she can be.

*Scripture quotations & summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).*

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him.

Treazure