Learning to Live Together

Deuteronomy 24:5
"If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married."

It doesn’t matter whether or not you start living together upon saying “I Do” or if you were living together before the “I Do’s” were exchanged, once the vows are said and the honeymoon is over; the real living together begins. The 1989 hit “Every Little Step” by recording artist Bobby Brown, off his “Don’t Be Cruel” album comes to mind. The artist sings, “Every little step I take, you will be there, every little step I make we’ll be together. Oh, how true! With every step you take, or move you make, there is always another individual to consider when married. Though this is not a bad thing, for some who continue to dwell in the fairytale of marriage this could be a rude awakening. Do I believe in happily ever after? Yes! Do I believe that once you say “I Do” all is perfect? Not!

Marriage is work! It is only as good as you make it, and learning to live together is the first step. It’s a lot more than cooking your spouses’ favorite meal or wearing that sexy piece of lingerie that he loves so much. It is about realizing that he is the individual that you chose to share the rest of your life with. Even when you don’t want to see him in the morning because he pissed you off last night, he is still going to be there. When it’s that time of the month and everything that he says and does get under your skin, he is still going to be there. Every little step, remember. Now let’s take a look at what learning to live together really means. When I look at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s definitions for the word learn, it reads: to gain knowledge or understanding of or skill in by study, instruction or experience. For some, you may actually study your mate, but for most, gaining understanding by experience is usually what happens. For the word live, the definitions read: to have a life rich in experience; to maintain oneself; to occupy a home. And the definitions for the word together read: in or into one place, mass, or group collection; in or into association or relationship at one time; in or into agreement or harmony. Yes, harmony is how we want to live with our significant others. However; it may take us a little while to get there. To learn to live together means to learn how to coexist with your spouse. You know, exist together at the same time in a peaceful manner, especially as a matter of sacred policy, such as your vows. Wow! How might we do that?

Sacrifice and commitment are two of the most important things needed in a marriage but the hardest to apply. There are going to be times when you feel that your needs aren’t being met, likewise with your spouse. It is at these times that looking past your needs and looking toward the needs of your spouse holds greater weight. Why should you do that? You should do that because in learning to live together, there is always another person to consider. If you know what you need, whether it’s to have some quiet time or for him to pick his towel up off the bathroom floor, you should communicate this to him. If you need quiet time and he has planned for his boys to come over to watch the game, then there is a problem. If you let him know why quiet time is important to you and when you prefer to have it, then he will be mindful of that and invite the boys over at a convenient time for you both. If you need for him to put his towel on the towel rack as opposed to leaving it on the floor because you don’t want to trip or you want to keep the bathroom tidy, then say this to him. Don’t keep giving him attitude when he does it. Give your significant other an opportunity to meet you half way and be willing to do the same. Sacrifice means exercising some flexibility. Everything can’t always go your way, nor can it always go his (although at times it may seem too). Be committed to making it work!

Finally, it says in Deuteronomy 24:5, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” In summary, this means to give the marriage a chance to mature and strengthen before confronting it with numerous responsibilities. Let your marriage grow strong by protecting your relationship from too many outside pressures and distractions—especially in the beginning.

*Scripture quotation & scripture summary is taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

This article is dedicated to the memory of my beloved grandmother, Shorty B.
September 13, 1934-August 17, 2006
Happy Birthday!!!

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

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