Thursday, January 17, 2008

Proverbs 31:11

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value”.

If you’re like me; at some point in your life, or maybe in a specific area of your life, you’ve experienced low self-esteem. Low self-esteem reflects a person’s overall self appraisal of his/her own worth. It doesn’t really matter how pretty, smart, friendly, or loving you are, low self-esteem is far more common in people than you may realize. It shows its head in far more people than you might expect.

I’ve experienced low self-esteem at different points in my life, and for different spans of time. Although I knew that I wasn’t feeling good about myself, I didn’t fully connect the dots that pointed to low self-esteem right away, but once I did, the cover up began. Most people that knew me probably thought that I could never suffer from low self-esteem, as I’ve always carried myself very well. I knew how to wear the smile and act the part, but deep down inside I was crumbling. To the outside world, I was a very attractive, happy-go-lucky person secure within herself; but to those closest to me, I was an emotional wreck! And yes, I was battling with low self-esteem when I met my husband!

I would often find myself questioning whether or not he found other women more attractive than me, I was quick to point out his flaws, I was often defensive of myself when it wasn’t even necessary, and at times I would look for things to accuse him of when there was no evidence or reason to do so. I would often find myself being confrontational with him, and there were even moments when I was too needy. You know, needing to be in his face 24/7, or needing to hear him say that he loved me (when I knew that he loved me very much), or needing to be complimented far more than I was already being complimented. I needed conformation that I was a good woman/wife to him. In the beginning, low self-esteem caused me to feel insecure about myself and my abilities to be a good wife. If you see yourself in any of the things that I have mentioned, then it’s a strong possibility that you experience or have experienced low self-esteem. If you do, then it is time to take a close personal inventory of why you are experiencing this.

You see, there are a number of reasons why a person may experience low self-esteem. The cause ranges from childhood abuse (physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or verbal) to parents getting divorced, to parents having addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling), being picked on and taunted by your peers, to being in abusive relationships. Whatever the reason, if left unattended, low self-esteem can first and foremost ruin you as a person, but it can also be detrimental to your marriage/relationship.

Low self-esteem is a result of a chronic state of repressed feelings. Within your marriage, it brings about friction, which brings about mistrust, which in turn brings about poor communication. If there is lack of trust and communication within a marriage, what do you really have? What makes this so interesting is that men experience low self-esteem also. When experiencing lack of self-worth, share this with your spouse. The more open that you are with him the better you will begin to feel. Luckily for me, I have a very loving and understanding husband who stood by my side as I worked through my issues on my journey to healing. For this, I will always be grateful.

You have to know that in order for anyone to truly love, respect, and admire you, it is pertinent that you love, respect, and admire yourself. It makes for an even better relationship with your mate. It is interesting that I was led to start this week’s column from the same place that I left off, and that‘s Proverbs, Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character.

It states in Proverbs 31:11 “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” To summarize this, Proverbs has a lot to say about women. How fitting that the book ends with a picture of a woman of strong character, great wisdom, many skills, and great compassion. Some people have mistaken the idea that the ideal woman in the Bible is retiring, servile, and entirely domestic. Not so! This woman is an excellent wife and mother. Her strength and dignity do not come from her amazing achievements, however. They are a result for her reverence for God.

I would like to say that it is important to realize your true self-worth, the beautiful jewel that God created in you. Allow God to polish away all of your inclusions (flaws), so that you may brilliantly shine for the entire world to see!

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure

*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).