Loving Too Hard


1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This topic is very near and dear to my heart because I know so many wonderful women both married and single who have experienced loving a man too hard. You see as women, we want for everything to be perfect in our man, and within our relationships. Although we are very well aware, that no one person is perfect, nor is there a perfect relationship, we still have very high expectations of perfection in who and what we have.

As humans, most often we operate from the flesh, which means “how we feel”. As women, we do this often because we are very emotional beings, but I’m here to tell you that love is not a feeling, it is an action! Yes, we may get butterflies, and we may feel all warm and fuzzy when our special someone is around; and this usually sparks our attention as to how we feel about that person. The next thing you know, we are in love! Falling in love is a very beautiful and natural thing, however; loving your mate unconditionally is something totally different.

Loving your mate unconditionally means that you love him just the way that he is, flaws and all. There are no conditions. You see, we say that we love our spouse just the way that he is , and then we start to say things like :“ he could lose a few pounds”, or “I wish he didn’t have a temper”, or “he needs to spend more time with the kids”, or “he needs to be more affectionate”, or “ I wish he would stop drinking”, or “ I wish he wouldn’t lie to me”, or “ I wish he would open up and talk to me,” or “he needs to go to church”, and the list goes on and on. Well, I understand that we would love for our significant others to be healthy, patient, spend quality time with the kids, be affectionate and loving, nondrinker/nonalcoholic, honest, communicator, and a man that has a personal and dynamic relationship with Christ and goes to church. Well, my question to you is, how was he before you got married, or seriously involved (single women)?

You see, it is very easy to fall in love with all of the things that we want to see in a person, and get all caught up in how we feel, but ultimately, the true person is going to push through. Be careful, because that’s when loving him too hard kicks in. You see as women we begin to talk excessively about what he needs to do, how he needs to go about it, and even at times we give him a time frame to do it in. Well, we are setting ourselves up for failure because when changes are not made, or in the time frame we feel they should be made; we get angry, frustrated, and we push even harder, and the cycle continues. Feelings are hurt, relationships go sour, all because of loving someone too hard; which usually means trying to force change.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.“

In summary: Our society confuses love and lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is possible to practice this love only if God helps us set aside our own desires and instincts, so that we can give love while expecting nothing in return. Thus the more we become like Christ, the more love we will show to others.

Ladies, please understand, that we are designed to evolve. This means that we all are changing everyday. Change is not something that can be forced. If you look at what 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says that love is all of the words used to describe it are action words: patient, kind, rejoices, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. It does not say anything about feelings. So therefore, if there are changes in your mate that you would like to occur, that would make him a better person, don’t force it! Love him enough to pray for him, and love God enough to know that He knows exactly what needs to be done, how it needs to be done, and in what time frame it will be done! Change within anyone, can only come from God!

*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Bible (NIV).

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure