Is he listening?

James 1:19
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

When conversing with your husband, do you ever find yourself wondering if you are talking just to be talking, or is your husband really listening to what it is that you are saying? I mean, this topic is one that has taken me a bit longer to grasp more so than any other topic that I’ve written thus far. You see, listening is a part of communication and without good communication; a relationship could hit rocky roads.

If you have ever experienced things like being in the midst of a conversation and your man walks off, or turns the channel, or picks up his cell phone and starts playing games, or he sits there in front of you and starts talking about something else, or perhaps he just doesn’t say anything at all; then you know what I mean when I ask “Is he listening”? If this has or does happen to you, what do you do? Well, if you’re like me (pre-grasping state), then you probably get pretty heated during these times, and from there, all chaos breaks loose. Once things have settled down, then the cycle usually reoccurs during one of those “you have something important to say moments”. What I chose to do (after I questioned if my husband had ever been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD), was to take notice of when this would occur. I had to ask myself if his listening to me was a problem all the time, or were there moments that he would actually listen and pay attention. Much to my surprise, there were quite a few recognizable moments that he actually listened to me and paid close attention to what I had to say. You know what was even more surprising? The times that he listened was reflected upon how I approached him.

I began to notice that when I talked at him rather than to him, he wouldn’t be involved in the conversation. If my tone was more like a mother talking to, or scolding her child rather than a loving wife respectfully discussing a subject with her husband; he wouldn’t be involved in the conversation. If I butted in or cut him off with my own personal opinions/suggestions when he was speaking, he would tune out. There were several times that I would start discussing things with him when he was already doing something else. The lesson that I had to learn was one of “picking and choosing” the right moments to discuss or tell my husband things. My husband does an excellent job of listening to me and he pays close attention to what I have to say when I approach him the right way.

What does approaching him the right way mean? It means to choose the right time to talk to your man. If he is doing something, then let him know that you need to talk to him as soon as he is available (preferably when you can have his undivided attention). Remember that you are his mate, so therefore; talk to him rather than at him. Also, when he is involved in the conversation, don’t give your advice or opinion about what he has to say, unless he requests it (sometimes he just needs for you to listen). You also should be mindful of how many times you say something to him, once (or twice) is enough, he’ll get it!

James 1:19 says: My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. To summarize this, when we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises us to reverse this process. Put a mental stopwatch on your conversations and keep track of how much you talk and how much you listen. When people talk with you, do they feel that their viewpoints and ideas have value?

Ladies, communication works two ways: talking and listening, so you have to be good at both in order to encourage your mate to do the same. Be to him what you want him to be to you (a good communicator)!

*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure