Feeling Unappreciated

Song of Songs 2:1
“I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.”

How often do you tell your significant other that he doesn’t appreciate you? How often do you think this to be true? As women we wear so many hats today; we are wives, mothers, employees, employers, sisters, daughters, committee members, aunties, godmothers, friends, and the list goes on and on. There is so much to be done and little time to do it. It is very easy to give of yourself and begin to feel unappreciated or taken for granted. It’s often easier to feel this way within marriage. What exactly does feeling appreciated mean to you? I decided to ask myself that question years ago during one of my “feeling unappreciated moments”.

I’ve always taken my responsibility as a wife (help mate) very seriously. I started out doing all the things that I thought a good wife should; I cooked dinner every night and breakfast most mornings, I did all the housework (except take out the garbage), ironed clothes for both myself and my husband, grocery shopped, ran errands, rubbed his feet and back every evening, etc. My husband always seemed to be just fine with everything that I did, it was like he expected it. There were times that I‘d become extremely annoyed at my husband and I found myself questioning if he realized what he had in a woman. The reason being is that “he was just fine” with what I was doing, and I thought that was all there was to it. It was like I thought that I deserved some type of praise for being a good wife, I needed to know that I was appreciated instead of just something that he expected. I didn’t know if I wanted him to be on the airwaves making a public service announcement that he had a good wife, or if I wanted him to shout it from the rooftop. I’m not sure if I needed him to reciprocate some of the things that I did or what, however; it became a problem. I often felt like I should just stop doing these things, and maybe then he’d appreciate me. One day during an argument, I let him know how I felt and the expression on his face led me to question if I even knew what I was saying. It was a look of “I can’t believe that you would say or think something like that.” We had a long discussion and I had to reevaluate just what led me to thinking that I wasn’t appreciated, and further more; what appreciation really meant to me.

I realized that I wanted my husband to feel grateful that I was his wife and I was a blessing to him, this is what appreciation meant to me. I soon began to understand that feeling appreciated is not solely what someone feels or says to you, it is about action. My husband had always shown his appreciation! He showed his appreciation for me when he ate every morsel of food on his plate that I cooked, or when he would sniff to inhale the freshness of clean clothes when I did laundry, or the child-like excitement that he expressed as he would look in the shopping bags to see my grocery store purchases (what goodies did I bring home), or the gentle smile that would spread across his face from pure relaxation as I rubbed his feet and back each night. Although he did not always reciprocate, or verbally express his gratitude for the things that I did, I knew that I was appreciated by my husband because of his actions. As a result, I also realized that the things I was doing for my husband brought me great joy as a wife because these are the things that I am supposed to do. I am his help mate, so therefore; it is my responsibility to pray for him, encourage him, and support him any way that I can. To this day, I still do all of these things for my husband and I am proud of it! He still shows his appreciation in the above mentioned ways, but he also verbally thanks me daily for being such a good wife, a blessing to him. Boy, do I feel appreciated!

Song of Songs 2:1 says “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys”. In summary, the rose of Sharon and lily of the valleys were flowers commonly found in Israel. Perhaps the girl was saying, “I’m just an ordinary flower,” to which Solomon replied, “Oh, no, you are extraordinary-a lily among thorns.” Solomon used the language of love. There is nothing more vital than encouraging and appreciating the person you love. Be sure to tell your spouse “I love you” every day, and show that love by your actions.

Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him!

Treazure