Keeping It Fresh

Song of Songs 5:2-8

2“I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” 3I have taken off my robe-must I put it on again? I have washed my feet-must I soil them again? 4My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. 5I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. 6I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. 7The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls! 8O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you-if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.”

How far back in your memory would you have to travel to remember your first date with your husband, the first time he held your hand, or the first kiss? As you’re reading this, are you remembering those first times? Do you remember the anticipation of seeing him, or talking to him on the phone? Can you actually take yourself back to that place this very moment, or does the memory seem to escape you? No matter how long you’ve been married, you should never forget the first times you shared with your spouse. These are what really keep the home fires burning!

It’s very easy to forget about” what once was” while moving on with your life. We are so busy with our careers, running the household, PTA meetings and football games, cheerleading practice and church committee meetings that we neglect one of the most important aspects of marriage; romance . We’re doing so many things that we hardly have any time for ourselves, let alone being the objects of our mates’ desires! Well ladies, I beg to differ. There are certain things that you can allow to fall to the wayside, but intimate moments with your spouse should not be one of them. I know a number of ladies that are in loving marriages, but there are parts of the loving that’s missing. Perhaps you are to tired to entertain the idea of grown up time with your mate; maybe you don’t feel desirable to him any longer, maybe he’s not desirable to you, maybe there’s lack of communication, or you’re stressed about sick family members or friends and the list goes on and on, whatever the cause, now is the time to renew that “first time” feeling.

First, it is important to identify with why “Mr. Romance” may no longer dwell at your place of residence, and then you have to make the decision to invite him back home. There are so many subtle yet effective things that you can do to get your husband’s attention, and encourage a little “playtime”, or at least some mutual affection and admiration for each other. One of my new favorites(which I learned about while taking the 30Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives), is to find something to encourage your man about everyday! It does not matter how small, or how often just be sincere. With this, you’ll find that he’ll begin to notice a different attitude that you have toward him, and in turn he will become more open and loving towards you. Writing your husband a love letter and placing it on or under his pillow is an intimate act. You should express to him how much you still love him, and reflect back on a few of the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place; share with him that you remember the “first times.” Planning a picnic for the two of you at the park one afternoon is a fun thing to do, if you don’t have time to go to the park, have the picnic on the floor of your bedroom or set your basket on top of your bed. It doesn’t have to be a full course meal, just a few of his favorites. Sending your mate on a “treasure hunt” maybe leading him to a specific location (hotel, restaurant, movies, etc..) where you’re there to meet him is always a winner! This is something fun and different, but it can get complicated if your spouse does not follow the clues, so make them simple.

For example, for my second wedding anniversary, I planned a “Treazure Hunt” for my ‘Him”. I purchased six long stemmed red roses and a package of live rose petals (compliments of Harris Teeter), and some note cards (the ones that are sent with flower arrangements). Before leaving for work on the morning of the “Treazure Hunt”, I left one red rose with a note card that read “I love you” on the living room table. The second rose and note card was left on the driver’s seat of his vehicle, and the note card read “ Get ready for a day of adventure, I love you”! It was a Friday, so I knew that he would be going to get a haircut, so I left a red rose and note card for him with his barber which read: “Meet me at the Embassy Suites(address) at 5:00pm sharp, go to the front desk. I love you”! Well, this prompted him to call me at work to inquire about what I was doing. I just simply asked him to follow the instructions please, and he said “okay Her”. Once he arrived at the front desk of the Embassy Suites, there waiting for him was a room key, a red rose and note card that had the room number written on it, and the words “I love you” waiting for him. Arriving at the room door, there was yet another red rose and note card taped to the door, and the card read: “Follow the rose petals to a special surprise”, I love you. Needless to say, he followed the rose petals all the way to the bedroom where his most treazured surprise was not only covered in rose petals, but I held his final rose between my teeth, with the note card that said, “I love you”! That was one amazing anniversary night! I would like to say that something like this doesn’t have to be planned just for an anniversary or holiday, you can do it anytime.

Asking your husband for a slow dance at any given moment, or snuggling against him while watching television are also a few things to do, and if all else fails, finding that one inviting piece of sleepwear(to suit your taste, as long as you feel confident), always does the trick! Please leave your hair down ladies, no scarfs allowed! Don’t worry about whether or not you have time for romance, make the time! Any of these suggestions could be done on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis (with the exception of encouraging him), I recommend that daily. It’s good to be spontaneous, but if that does not work for you then mark a date or two on your calendar, at least you’ll have something to look forward to. Another suggestion is to plan a date night, my husband and I have been doing this for 7 of the eight years that we have been married, and we love it. This should be a scheduled date that works for the both of you. You can take turns planning the dates, or plan the dates together. It is so important to make the effort to encourage romance between you and your partner. Remember to use your imagination and pull from your fantasies! You do have a lifetime of togetherness with him, so keep it fresh!

Song of Songs 5:2-8 says: 2“I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” 3I have taken off my robe-must I put it on again? I have washed my feet-must I soil them again? 4My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. 5I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. 6I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. 7The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls! 8O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you-if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.”

In summary, this means; It is inevitable that, with the passing of time and the growth of familiarity, a marriage will start to lose its initial sparkle. Glances and touches no longer produce the same emotional response. Conflicts and pressures may creep in, causing you to lose your tenderness toward your spouse. The world is not a haven for lovers; in fact, external stress often works against the marriage relationship. But spouses can learn to be havens for each other. If intimacy and passion decline, remember that they can be renewed and regenerated. Take time to remember those first thrills, the excitement of sex, your spouse’s strengths, and the commitment you made. When you focus on the positives, reconciliation and renewal can result.

Ladies I would like to leave you with the words of a jingle for a commercial that used to come on when I was a little girl, and over the past 2 years or so, the commercial has been recycled. “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you’re a man, cause I’m a woman!

*Scripture quotations and summary are from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).

“Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him.”

Treazure

We will have a segment on “keeping the fire burning” at the Find the jewel in you, see the gem in him workshop. If you are interested in this workshop, please email me at wifetalkblog@yahoo.com. I will be listing some of the details next week.