The Other Woman
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
When you decided to accept his proposal, did it ever occur to you that you may have to share him? If so, how did it make you feel? Were you open and receptive to it, or did you put up resistance? When the wedding has ended and the honeymoon is over, we look forward to the life that we are to share with our spouses’. If you are like me, it was important to get to know one another as husband and wife without any outside interruptions. This is possible, but more than likely there will be some interruptions. What I mean by interruptions is the newly acquired family that comes with your husband. He also has a newly acquired family as well, however; I’m specifically speaking of his mother and if he has children, their mother as well. Today’s topic “The Other Woman” is about the relationship that you have with the mother of your stepchild/children and your mother-in-law.
You know that once you fall in love and decide to marry someone, if the person that you decide to marry is already a father, then he is a package deal. With him comes his child/children, and with the kids, their mom. I know that this may sound a little far off, however; the kids are products of both your husband and their mom. There really isn’t any way to get around it when you really think about it because under normal circumstances (the kids either live with you and your husband, or they live with their mother, and both father and mother share custody or have visitation rights) she is going to be around. I honestly don’t see why this should be a problem, but in so many relationships this is a huge problem (especially if there is bad blood between the biological parents). Not all, but in so many cases, the mother of the kids seem to be difficult to get along with and even bitter at times. Do you find yourself wondering if it’s you and if so why? Are you open to having a healthy, cordial relationship with this person, or not? I’m asking these questions because these are the questions that have to be answered if you are involved in a unhealthy, tense, co-parenting relationship. Be real honest with yourself about the type of relationship you want to have with this woman. I know that some of you are probably saying: “Treazure, you’re tripping”! No, I’m not! You may not want to admit this but you should have a relationship with her, and the children are the reason why! It does not matter what type of relationship she has with your husband, your relationship with her is crucial. You are the person that your husband chose to share his life with, and his children are a part of his life. Therefore, their mother is a part of your life. What do you want for the kids? Do you want the kids to experience love that comes from family no matter the family make-up, or do you want them to experience tension, bickering, and negativity? Sometimes we must put aside our personal differences for the sake of our children.
As the woman of your household, I think that you should encourage a healthy, sincere relationship with the biological mom. You never know what God is intending on doing for this family through you. This mom may not be so cordial towards you for a number of reasons, or it may not really have anything to do with you at all. She could be bitter that the relationship with she and your spouse ended, she could be happy that it ended but not trust him (therefore, why should she trust you), she could be insecure about herself and her own relationship status, she could be cautious because she doesn’t know you, and the list goes on and on. However; it really does not matter what her deal is because you have the man that you chose, and that chose you, and together it is your responsibility to raise these children right, and part of raising them right is making sure that they feel secure with all parents involved.
If there are challenges in this area, think about how you could bring about change. Once you think about it, pray about the change, and then take action! Go to this woman and share with her who you truly are. Let her know that you have accepted her children as a package deal; they’re your children now as well as hers and your husband’s. Allow her to realize that you are not here to take her place (you couldn’t even if you wanted to). You are just an additional blessing from God as another person to love her children. Make sure that she knows that you have her children’s best interest at heart. This is not a competition as to who can be the best mother, or who the children will love the most. Children are beautiful creatures who only know love, no matter who it’s coming from. They have the perfect insight and ability to love us just the way that we are. You may decide to call her on the phone, maybe writing her a letter would be easier, but however you’re led to do it, make the decision to do so.
My husband and I have been blessed to have good, strong, sincere relationships with the mother’s of our boys, and it makes this extended family thing so wonderful. Our boys never have to feel torn between their dad and myself, and their moms. They know that God blessed them with two moms and a dad that love them very much!
Now there is another lady that may be present in his life, therefore; she is present in yours. I’m speaking of your mother-in-law. How is your relationship with her? Do you feel that there is competition with her for your husband’s time and attention? If so, embrace her also. Make sure that you encourage change and growth with her the same way that was suggested about the mother of the kids. Once you have done your part, allow God to do the rest. Some people are territorial and feel that they aren’t loved as much when someone new comes along, however; let her know that she has not lost a son, she’s gained a daughter!
1 Timothy 5:8 says: If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. To summarize this: Almost everyone has relatives, family of some kind. Family relationships are so important in God’s eyes. Paul says, that a person who neglects his or her family responsibilities has denied the faith. Are you doing your part to meet the needs of those included in your family circle?
I’m asking the question: What do we want our children to learn most about family? We want them to learn that family is the strongest unit in our society today, and that no matter what families love each other, just as God loves each of us. Put your personal opinions and feelings aside in regards to the mother of your stepchildren and ask God to assist you in doing your part to bring about peace and balance in your household and family life, so that your children will grow to be loving individuals based on the love they received from each of their parents.
*Scripture quotations and summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
Treazure
