Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me
Proverbs 11:9
“With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.”
My mind drifts back to my early childhood school days to the first time I witnessed the wrath of the class bully. Although I wasn’t the target, I certainly felt the pain from his ugly words being directed at one of my friends. The name-calling seemed as if it would never end, and I was sure that my friend wanted to climb into a hole. To my surprise, however, I heard her say to him, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” When I heard those words come from her mouth, I was proud that she stood up for herself; but I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was ripped to pieces.
In actuality, words do hurt if used in a way that tears you down; and if the person using those words is your husband, it hurts even worse. Verbal abuse is one of the most common forms of abuse within marriages, and also the one less likely to be noticed. Verbal abuse can go unnoticed because there are no signs of visible proof (such as with physical abuse), and most verbal abusers torment their victims behind closed doors and out of the hearing zone of others. Name calling (stupid, lazy, fat, etc.) and belittlement (you don’t ever do nothing around here, when are you going to grow a brain, I should’ve married someone prettier, smarter, etc.) may start out as teasing, then increase to more direct intentional verbalization (the B word, I hate you, etc.) in an attempt to control the victim.
I will admit that my very first encounter with any form of abuse began at an extremely young age. I witnessed and overheard verbal abuse toward my mother. Even as a preschooler, I could feel the effect that this type of abuse left on one’s spirit. Although she would put on a smile for my sake, my mother was so torn down. I felt her pain because I was saddened and hurt for her. This continued on for years and finally it was time for me to leave the nest. Once I did so, I also witnessed a very dear friend experience the same thing during the brief time that I attended college. I used to convince myself that I would never allow any man to talk to me or treat me that way. After leaving college, I moved to a new city and made new friends. It was then that I also encountered this behavior being used toward a very good friend of mine. She and I had been friends for quite sometime, and it was because of her that I met my husband (my Him). I am approaching my tenth-year wedding anniversary, and I will say that, I too, at one time experienced the same verbal abuse that I witnessed in my home as a child, in college, and as a young adult. It has happened to me.
It wasn’t until I started praying and asking God to deliver me from this type of unhealthiness that I began to realize a few interesting revelations. The first being that a person will do to me, only what I allow him to; and secondly, if a person is treating me this way, then he must be in far more turmoil than what’s being inflicted upon me. People that are abusive have either been personally abused or witnessed abuse. Abuse is a learned behavior. I remember a childhood poem that my mother shared with me titled: “Children Learn what They Live”, by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph. D. The first line of this poem it reads, “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.” Abuse in any form is an unacceptable and continuous cycle that needs to be broken.
I thank God for hearing and answering my prayers for both my hubby and myself. It was during those times that I prayed more for my husband than for myself. I had carried the pain from earlier abuse all my life, so I related to the pain that he experienced. It allowed me to empathize with him as opposed to being angry, unforgiving and unsympathetic. We are still works in progress, and I hope that our story can be a blessing to other couples who may be going through the same.
Proverbs 11:9
“With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.”
Summary:The mouth can be used either as a weapon or a tool, hurting relationships or building them up. Sadly, it is often easier to destroy than to build, and most people have received more destructive comments than those that build up. Every person you meet today is either a demolition site or a construction opportunity. Your words will make a difference. Will they be weapons for destruction or tools for construction?
Scripture Quotations and Summary are taken from the Life Application Study Bible (NIV).
There are known cases of women who are the verbal abusers within the marriage relationship; however, statistics show that there is a larger percentage of men who are the abusers in the home. In either case, it’s not healthy for the individuals, or the marriage. Ask God to direct your steps in working toward healing, growth, and forgiveness. Remember, with God you can be strong and although “Sticks and stones may break your bones, words will never hurt you.”
Be the dazzling jewel that He created you to be!
Find the Jewel in You, See the Gem in Him!
Treazure
